http://ping.fm/bnRal I <3 this image shared by the German Shepherd community on Facebook. I love it because of course I love animals. But it also fits in well with my last post.
Why is it acceptable to some of you to hate your brothers and sisters based on their size. Why do you feel it is okay to hurt the feelings of a person with a larger physique? You do not know that person's story. You do not know the reasons why they are the way they are. Hint: It ain't because they love KFC more than being thin and being considered "attractive" by modern societal standards.
There are a myriad of reasons why people are shaped the way they are. You don't know why a given person looks the way they do. And not being a stick figure does not necessarily make a person either "fat" or "unhealthy."
Even the "perfect people" in magazines do not actually look the way we see them looking. Don't believe me? Take a look at this. I guarantee, you will be shocked. It is a real eye-opener.
I do not care if you are thin or fat or somewhere in between. I will judge you on your actions, not your size or other aspects of your physical appearance. It is not that I am some sort of guru by any means, but I believe this would be a better world if we all do the same.
People dare to say that Amy Winehouse, who died today at the age of 27 from a drug overdose, was "a drain on the world" because she was a drug addict.
These people do not understand the power of addiction. It isn't fully understood in the medical community either. In some people, the satiation centers of the brain are triggered by certain substances, causing overwhelming cravings.
Amy was not able to gain control over these cravings. But this does not make her "a waste." She had a beautiful voice. She seemed like a nice person. She also seemed terribly lost in many ways. I am very sorry for her death, and for the difficulties she encountered in life.
I too have encountered people who have the audacity to tell me that I'm "a waste of space," a "drain on the world," even "bankrupting America." That I'm lazy and have no self-control.
Why?
Because I am a very large human being. I weigh 425 pounds. I usually walk with a cane, but when I am feeling particularly exhausted or having a significant amount of pain, I will use one of the scooters at the store, even though I *can* walk. I was in an accident eight years ago that left me with a spinal cord injury and impaired kidney function. Admissibly, a fair bit of my weight gain came from comfort eating once I could eat again. I was very depressed and simply did not give a shit about gaining weight. All I knew is that now I was in constant pain, incontinent of urine, and might have to be on dialysis for the rest of my life. The last thing I cared was staying skinny to please other people.
At this point I do not eat any more than other people. Some days I probably eat less. But nobody believes this because I am so big. I work out in a therapy pool. I can't do exercises that put a lot of strain on my joints. If a person can do high-impact, high-intensity workouts, good for them. I used to spend hours in the gym to keep myself below 200 pounds. Those days are gone forever.
So, it seems, is any chance of being left alone to live my life in peace. I would never go up to someone who was chain-smoking and tell them that their filthy habit was "costing me more money" or tha they should "just die." And I would never go up to a skinny person and tell them that their "anorexia" was going to end them up in the hospital and thus would "cost me more money." First of all, how do I know that they're anorexic? Maybe they are on chemotherapy. Maybe they have Marfan syndrome. Maybe they have some other disease. Or maybe they're just skinny. And how do I know what their eating habits are? I've known skinny people who can pack in more food at a buffet hour than I could think about eating in a day's worth of meals!
When I go to buffets, I tend to load up on salad, then have a good portion of meat for protein. But whose damn business is it if I decide I'd like a bit of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, or a dinner roll or two with that? If I weighed 125 pounds, no-one would be giving me the stink eye if I had twice the amount of food on my plate or if I was eating nothing but desserts. If you're fat you can be eating nothing but carrots and people will still assume that you're a glutton.
The bigger drain on the world comes from people who see the need to spew their hate and judgment everywhere.
You don't know Amy Winehouse. You don't know what drove her to addictive behavior. You don't know how it felt to be her, to live with the shame and the pain she must have felt. So don't judge her.
And you don't know me. You don't know why I'm fat. You don't know what my eating habits are. You don't know what medications I may be on or what physical reasons I may have for being the size I am. You don't know why I'm riding one of those scooters to do my shopping or to get down the street.
So stuff your judgments where the sun don't shine. Because they belong with the rest of your shit.
As RuPaul says, if you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else? Also, if you can't learn to love yourself at whatever size, no amount of weight loss is going to be a miracle cure for the self hate. I have lived with self hate for years. I'm straight, so that was one battle I didn't have to fight. (It's ridiculous that sexual orientation has to be a battle for anybody.) But I have struggled with mental illness for as long as I can remember, and I am physically handicapped after an accident 7 years ago that left me with a spinal cord injury. At 44 I am incontinent of urine and have to wear Depends. I walk with a cane. My kidneys were injured and I do have to have dialysis although I am luckier than a lot of people as the kidneys still do function to a degree. Plus I am morbidly obese. Admissibly this is muchly my own fault as after the accident I became severely depressed and just didn't care about anything, particularly myself. I sat around watching TV and eating and wishing I'd die. At this point it is hard to lose the weight that I put on because I cannot exercise strenuously. I have radically changed my eating habits but I cannot live on Slim Fast (bleah!) So I am still morbidly obese. Here's a shocker for the "so concerned about your health" crowd--especially those that have the audacity to lecture someone they really don't even know! Fat people--get ready for it--KNOW THEY'RE FAT! We might even know that our weight is in the unhealthy range. We don't need to hear it from you. I always struggled with my weight. I was bulimic in my teens. If anyone ever told me that I would be morbidly obese I would have killed myself, because I did not have any love for myself, even when I was tiny--110 pounds--and still thought I was fat. I would give a lot to lose 100 or more pounds, but I no longer say I would give anything. Because there are things in this world a lot more important than being skinny. Such as being alive and being with people who love you and are really there for you no matter your size. You are a great writer, Emily. Thank you for making my day today.
Michael Buckley of the Bilerico project has a challenge for cutters and bulimics, encouraging us to say something nice about ourselves and about Demi Lovato, the young actress who recently went into treatment to deal with her eating disorder and struggle with cutting.
Here is what I had to say:
It's hard to find something nice to say about myself because I am mentally and physically handicapped and morbidly obese. I'm formerly bulimic and used to cut. But I am very devoted to my family and I would like to change the hatefulness in this world to love. As for Demi Lovato, I very much hope that she finds the help she needs to love HERSELF, not to worry about what she looks like outside, and even more important, to not worry what OTHERS think about her. Yes, she's pretty, but more important, she seems to have inner beauty. It's the inner beauty that lasts.
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