People dare to say that Amy Winehouse, who died today at the age of 27 from a drug overdose, was "a drain on the world" because she was a drug addict.
These people do not understand the power of addiction. It isn't fully understood in the medical community either. In some people, the satiation centers of the brain are triggered by certain substances, causing overwhelming cravings.
Amy was not able to gain control over these cravings. But this does not make her "a waste." She had a beautiful voice. She seemed like a nice person. She also seemed terribly lost in many ways. I am very sorry for her death, and for the difficulties she encountered in life.
I too have encountered people who have the audacity to tell me that I'm "a waste of space," a "drain on the world," even "bankrupting America." That I'm lazy and have no self-control.
Why?
Because I am a very large human being. I weigh 425 pounds. I usually walk with a cane, but when I am feeling particularly exhausted or having a significant amount of pain, I will use one of the scooters at the store, even though I *can* walk. I was in an accident eight years ago that left me with a spinal cord injury and impaired kidney function. Admissibly, a fair bit of my weight gain came from comfort eating once I could eat again. I was very depressed and simply did not give a shit about gaining weight. All I knew is that now I was in constant pain, incontinent of urine, and might have to be on dialysis for the rest of my life. The last thing I cared was staying skinny to please other people.
At this point I do not eat any more than other people. Some days I probably eat less. But nobody believes this because I am so big. I work out in a therapy pool. I can't do exercises that put a lot of strain on my joints. If a person can do high-impact, high-intensity workouts, good for them. I used to spend hours in the gym to keep myself below 200 pounds. Those days are gone forever.
So, it seems, is any chance of being left alone to live my life in peace. I would never go up to someone who was chain-smoking and tell them that their filthy habit was "costing me more money" or tha they should "just die." And I would never go up to a skinny person and tell them that their "anorexia" was going to end them up in the hospital and thus would "cost me more money." First of all, how do I know that they're anorexic? Maybe they are on chemotherapy. Maybe they have Marfan syndrome. Maybe they have some other disease. Or maybe they're just skinny. And how do I know what their eating habits are? I've known skinny people who can pack in more food at a buffet hour than I could think about eating in a day's worth of meals!
When I go to buffets, I tend to load up on salad, then have a good portion of meat for protein. But whose damn business is it if I decide I'd like a bit of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, or a dinner roll or two with that? If I weighed 125 pounds, no-one would be giving me the stink eye if I had twice the amount of food on my plate or if I was eating nothing but desserts. If you're fat you can be eating nothing but carrots and people will still assume that you're a glutton.
The bigger drain on the world comes from people who see the need to spew their hate and judgment everywhere.
You don't know Amy Winehouse. You don't know what drove her to addictive behavior. You don't know how it felt to be her, to live with the shame and the pain she must have felt. So don't judge her.
And you don't know me. You don't know why I'm fat. You don't know what my eating habits are. You don't know what medications I may be on or what physical reasons I may have for being the size I am. You don't know why I'm riding one of those scooters to do my shopping or to get down the street.
So stuff your judgments where the sun don't shine. Because they belong with the rest of your shit.
Here is an older post of mine which addresses similar issues.
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